Stop Minimizing Yourself
There’s this thing that we do and almost without a second thought. We sabotage ourselves. When we speak, in order to present ourselves as nonaggressive, humble, and safe we use weak language.
The late, Maya Angelou said humility and modesty are not the same.
Modesty is taught. Modesty was taught as a way to have checks and balances with upper class individuals. There’s a whole history lesson that I’ll spare you. Basically, we can be confident, claim authority and strength, and still be humble.
When we use words like “only” and “just”, we minimize our intent and effect. For example, “I just wanted to say…” or “I only missed by…
STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT and now, please! Women are NOTORIOUS for using this weak language. I mean, how dare us be confident and certain of who we are and what we are here to do? Don’t try to answer that, I’m being facetious. But really, society has conditioned us to believe we cannot use this language and still be respected, not seen as a bitch, not seen as power hungry, and all other negative images that come to mind with women in power.
I implore you to remove weak words and replace them with strong words. There is no need to introduce doubt into your communication when you want to be assertive and effective.
Other phrases that minimize are, “I feel… I think…” Who cares? I mean really, the average person doesn’t want to think for themselves when they have come to a subject matter expert on a particular topic. This could be a teacher, a supervisor or manager, the CEO of a company, a therapist, the life coach you pay five figures to every other month, to even the owner of your favorite business. If they come to you, the come because they fully believe you have what they need. This is not the time to introduce doubt and fear with the words you use. If your communication sounds unconfident and weak, you’ve lost a customer, a deal, an opportunity.
This applies to YOU as well. What I mean is, when we are giving ourselves pep talks and reciting affirmations, we need to believe, firmly, the words that are coming out of our mouths. Subconsciously our minds are not sure if what even we are saying to ourselves is, in fact, the truth.
As a Mompreneur who wears many hats and just finished a rigorous Master’s program, I help a lot of teens and women who desire to be more assertive and honest. There’s no better way than starting with self. If we do not believe the words we say, how can we expect others? When we say things and at the end of the sentence, the tone of voice gets higher making it sound uncertain or as if we are asking a question, who will believe that and invest in us.
As a therapist, my clients come to me and the common denominator I see in them is uncertainty in self. It starts with self. We have to do a better job of instilling confidence in ourselves, faith in ourselves, and encouragement in ourselves. Then we can bring others on board because the confidence will ooze from our aura.
So, your task is to remove one of those minimizing words from your vocabulary for at least three (3) days. Journal how you feel and what differences you see. Share with me, I’d love to hear what you have noticed. I will join you all in this and vlog my journey on the juicebar YouTube channel @illdrinktothatjuicebar.
Air kisses, chao!